Jul 20, 2008

Politics and the Confused Mind

Weirdo. I am. Hindi ikaw. Ako. :]

Tange. Hehe. Akalain mong napagod agad ako magsulat ng define Politics, Political Science churva! Paano ba naman kasi?! Walang thrill yung subject na yon. Hindi ganun yung inexpect. Ang expected ko ung may arguments! Debate! Sigawan! Ganun! Yung talagang bonggang-bongga talaga. Kaso wala eh. Nakatulala lang kami dun. x[ Kaya siguro tinamad ako. Hahaha.

Pero nakakaaliw mag-aral ng Constitution. Haha. Nalalaman ko kung ano yung mga duties and responsibilities ko as a Filipino Citizen. Favorite ko nga yung Article II Section 13 eh. Eto:

"The State recognizes the vital role of the youth in nation-building and shall promote and protect their physical, moral, spiritual, intellectual, and social well-being. It shall inculcate in the youth patriotism and nationalism, and encourage their involvement in public and civic affairs."

Kinabog ako diyan. Pero kung sa bagay tama din naman. Nasa konstitusyon pala yun. Hehe.

UMMM.

Obvious naman diba? My aftermath pa rin ako sa mga nangyari nung Friday. Wala pa din ako sa katinuan. Hayy. Katext ko nga siya kanina eh. Gaya pa din ng dati, walang mapagusapan, pero siyempre yung contentment na naramdaman ko nun, yun ung mahalaga eh. Kanina nga nung nagsimba ako, nagdasal talaga ako. Sabi ko, sana magtext siya ngayon. Kasi nga miss na miss ko na siya. Tsaka sana maayos na etong PC ko. Sa awa ng Diyos, tinupad niya. God is really good talaga. As I was saying, tulad pa din ng dati. Kaso, may naramdaman na kong kakaiba. Na parang may nagbago nga. I decided not to entertain these feelings for they won't do me any good. Walang use yung mag-isip ng mag-isip kung wala namang pakialam sayo yung iniisip mo.

Andaming nagsasabi sakin na I need to sacrifice. Kung ano yun, hindi ko alam. Yung mga close friends ko naman, sabi sakin, I need to let go na. Maybe we're really not meant to be. Kaya kailangan ko ng lumayo. Pero ayoko. Kasi siya pa din yun. Ilang beses ko ng sinasabi, magbago man ang lahat sa kanya, siya pa rin yun. Kaso hindi ko na makita eh. Natatakpan na.

Kinabog din ako sa statement ng Speaker of the House natin, nakalimutan ko yung pangalan eh. Nanonood kasi ako ng Perspectives sa Channel 4 kanina. Topic yung tungkol sa crisis ngayon. Eto sabi niya, madami din namang nagagawang mabuti yung gobyerno. Hindi nga lang makita ng mga tao, kasi nagfofocus sila dun sa negative. Ouch yun. Siya kaagad naalala ko. Kaso parang kung itutuloy ko pa to, maaaning na ko. Hindi ko na kayang i-control sarili ko eh. Baka matulad din ako sa dati. Kaya nangangailangan ako ngayon ng counseling. Hahaha.

HALATA NA BANG WEIRDO AKO? Aning na kasi talaga ako. Di ko na alam gagawin ko.

Hindi ko pa natatapos isulat yung sa PolSci namen. Panu na yan? Wala pa din akong Stat. Sheet. Tapos baka magstart na ko ng SA bukas. Ang busy noh?

HINDI NA TALAGA PWEDENG MANLALAKE. :]

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Jul 19, 2008

Update.

I am not in the mood to write today. Sigghhh.

I feel so blessed since my computer is now working; it's working alright. But the past days, the keyboard isn't working, and yesterday the monitor won't open. This time, I think, I'm really lucky `coz I finally got the chance to type anything I want to share with you guys even though it looks like an update or what.

If you're gonna ask me why I haven't updated for so long.. I'll answer you. I've been BUSY these past days. I've been doing some executions for our projects this semester. I am arranging my papers for Student Assistanship in the OVPRD. Hopefully, that was through this morning. My papers were already approved, and hopefully, by Tuesday I can start. And of course, I'm keeping up with my lessons, doing advance studying as much as possible, since I discovered I really have a hard time internalizing my ComSysOrg subject. Plus, I'm doing articles for La Liga Informatica, our department newsletter. So active right? Hmm.

Another question from you, I think, would be: There's a computer at the CED Office. With internet connection. How come I didn't even considered typing posts using that computer? There's one thing that's lacking me when I'm in that office. MOOD. Though everyday, I feel so excited of telling everyone how my day had been, writing these things on the same place where it happened just doesn't seem like fun. Hehe. That's why I really looked forward to the day my keyboard will be functioning again (that's the main problem of my home PC). Now it's functioning as expected. That's why I'm updating.

If you guys want to talk ask about how I feel, no comment. It's mixed; stress, depression, confusion and a twinge of happiness. The reasons behind here are various, but as always expected from me, 2 or more persons are involved. I don't want to talk about this at the moment, since I'm still shaken with the scenarios I've been these days. I hope you guys will take that excuse for the meantime.

So much for the update. I'm not in the mood today. Hehe.

But I really thank God for this wonderful blessing; of sharing these insights with you.
By next time, we'll chat more. :]

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Jul 7, 2008

Blooming daw Ako? Praningan Na `To!

Blooming.

Harruu jusku~! Sa dinami-dami ng mga terminologies na pwedeng gamitin, iyan pa. Hahaha.

Di kasi ako sanay na sabihan ako ng blooming. Ewan ko. May topak na ata ako eh. Hehe. Kasi pakiramdam ko may ibang meaning. Pagkakaalam ko kasi, iyong blooming, para lang iyon sa may mga lovelife. Hahaha. O kaya yung mga may special someone. Eh wala naman ako nun. Hahaha. Naniniwala ka? Takte. Sinungaling ako. Haha.

Aga ko pumasok ngayon. Lagi naman eh. Kailan ba hindi? Naku. May flag raising pala kanina. Hehe. Napaattend tuloy ako ng di oras. Umakyat na din ako kaagad. Hindi naman ako pinigilan ng guwardiya. (FYI. May guard na nag-aabang. Haha.) Ang laking pasanin ng gitara ko. Haha. Dala ko kasi. Kung bakit, dalawa lang iyan. Una, due to insistent public demand. Pangalawa, pinadala sakin. Haha. Parang pareho rin no? Praning ako eh. Haha.

As usual, kapag nasa office, walang ginawa ang Lenggay kung hindi maglaro ng Cake Mania 2. Doon naman ako sa hotel nagtatrabaho. Haha. Aliwan in fairness. My pakpak yung sapatos ko doon. Haha. Hindi siya RPG mga repa. Basta. Hindi siya RPG. Dinaanan ko muna si MegMegMeg doon sa Kagawaran ng Filipinolohiya, Tanggapan ng .. Chairperson. Langya. Di ko alam yung Tagalog ng Chairperson. Haha. Nakakahiya ako. Well anyways, kwinentuhan ko lang siya ng nangyari kahapon. Hehe. Kung ano yun .. ABANGAN. Medyo delayed ang pagpost ko doon. Haha. Masyado kasi akong masaya. Pagkatapos, bumaba ako. Namputsa~! Nakalimutan kong Lecture pala kami sa COBOL ngayon. Haha. Panik ulit sa 4th Floor. Ayun. Nasilayan ko na yung mga katropa ko. Haha. Tinitigan ko lang yung comics ng SAMASA at ANAKBAYAN parehong - CCMIT doon sa dingding. No Comment. Delikado. Pero kung sa bagay .. HEPP! Awatt!! Prrrttt! Haha. Basta. Hinintay lang namin magbukas yung room. Dinaldal ko si Mhine pagdating na pagdating. Nag-update agad ako. Hehe. Sabay "Hi Ate Paw" si Kuya Kenneth. Hehe. Kwento ulit. Hala sige. Parang walang bukas ampota. Haha. Ayun. Nagbukas na yung room.

Masasabi kong masayang tumanga. Wala si COBOL Princess eh. Wala kaming COBOL. Hehe. Antay mode na naman para sa English. Kinuha ko yung gitara ko sa office. Hehe. Nang magamit naman. Hahaha. Ayun. Gitara mode. Dumating para sa English, mga ST. Kabagotbagot. Reporting ang naganap. Letsugas. Di ko makita yung nakasulat sa board. Dumayo ako sa kabilang ibayo. Panu ba naman, kasuluksulukan yata ng mundo yung pinaglagyan saken. Dun ako kina Mhine pumwesto. Hehe. Kinopya ko lang yung nasa visuals ng nagrereport. Hehe. Chinika ko si Mhine. Lagi ko namang ginagawa yun eh. Hehehe. Biglang joke naman ni Kuya Kenneth. Hahaha. Aliw. Ganda ng jokes niya. Kakaiba. Kaya pala natatawa si Mhine pag nakikita ko siya. Haha. Kaya pati ako, natawa na din. Haha.

As usual, pagkatapos ng English, BREAK. Haha. Walang magawa again. As usual. Inulit ko lang. Hahaha. Gitara mode. Hanggang sa gusto kong maghanap ng CR. Malamang. Najijings ako eh. Hehe. Niyaya ko si Mhine. Dayo kami dun sa North Wing ng 4th Floor. Haha. Expecting si Lenggay. Kung bakit, ewan ko din. Haha. Pinuntahan ko naman si JaJaJa sa room niya. Usapusap. Nasagap ang dapat masagap. Nanlumo saglit. Naka-tatlong hakbang lang yata ako, nabuhayan ako ng loob. Kasalanan sa Lipunan. Kasalanan sa Sarili ko. Panu kaya matuturing na Mali kung talagang HANEEPP! Nyahaha. Praningan na to mga bords. Akyat kami sa 5th Floor. Doon may CR eh.

Political Science. Stat. Hanggang matapos ang araw na ito. Haha. Pauwi na kami ng kapatid ko. Haha. Dayo muna sa COOP. Bili daw kasi si Bhiebot ng pagkain. Hehe. Kita ko si Zack. Classmate ni Janine. Hehe. Textmate ko. Haha. Di ata ako nakita. May kausap. Haha. Pero nung paalis na kami, may tumawag sakin. Di ko naaninag. Nadisappoint. Hala. Si Ron naman yun. Classmate din ni Janine. ü Lumapit pa ako. Aba. Nagpaumanhin ako noh! Sabi ko mukha siyang artista, kaya di ko namukhaan. Haha. Totoo naman! May kamukha siyang artista! Hahaha. Kung sino, isipin niyo. Haha.

Swimsuit pa din iniisip ko ngayon. Bibili kami dapat bukas. Payagan kaya ako? Haha.

Walang konek lahat ng sinabi ko. Pawang kapraningan lang. Haha.

Horoscope ko ngayon:
Taurus.
Magsakripisyo para sa minamahal, ngunit walanhanggang ligaya ang mapapasaiyo.

Yeahbah. Manalig ka. Haha.

LORD. SANA MAKABILI AKO NG SWIMSUIT. HAHA. THANKS DIN PO, DAHIL BLOOMING AKO.

Inspired? Think so. Think Not.:))

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Jul 5, 2008

The Ass and His Purchaser

A MAN wished to purchase an Ass, and agreed with its owner that
he should try out the animal before he bought him.  He took the
Ass home and put him in the straw-yard with his other Asses, upon
which the new animal left all the others and at once joined the
one that was most idle and the greatest eater of them all. 
Seeing this, the man put a halter on him and led him back to his
owner.  On being asked how, in so short a time, he could have
made a trial of him, he answered, "I do not need a trial; I know
that he will be just the same as the one he chose for his
companion."  


	A man is known by the company he keeps.

OUCH NAMAN. :((

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Jul 4, 2008

A Somewhat Confusing Day

When will I have the courage to accept the truth?

I'm expecting an answer from within. Nobody can answer me except for myself.

I don't have classes today actually. I am the Student Volunteer of the Day at the CCMIT Chair's Office. Plus, there will be a meeting for interested applicants for the IT Newsletter, La Liga Informatica. Those were the reasons why I went to school. The meeting will start at 1 PM; I still have 7 hours to do nothing. Since I was informed that the SV is not already required at the office, I decided not to go. I spent the whole seven hours playing Burger Shop and Cake Mania 2. When I got bored of playing those games over and over, music took their places. 3 repetitions of Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse, 2 of Closer by Ne-yo and downloads of Richard Poon's I'll Take Care of You Album and the 2nd Gala Night of Pinoy Dream Academy. Tita Irma, my father's secretary, also asked my help in line with the certificate for their exhibit. I gladly helped her. By 10:30 AM, I felt hungry. I decided to have an early lunch. But at 11:30, my father gave me a 2-piece Burger Steak. So much for my on-going diet! Aaarrgghh.

By 12 PM, I went to the University Canteen at the East Wing. I saw Jaja's high school crush. I immediately texted Meg, to meet me there since her room's only less than a minute away. I kept an eye to the "crush", so that he'll still be there when Janine arrived. But unfortunately, I have to pace my steps back to CED since they are waiting for me there. We met up at the office and decided to go down using the North Wing stairs. So there will be a chance Janine can see him. She saw him alright. Megan was supposed to treat us lunch. But since I am so stuffed with two meals in my stomach, I can't bear eating another one. I just told her to by me a waffle. *To tell you frankly, I think she's a little bit annoyed with what I said! Hahaha. Peace be with you dear! :))* We headed to the S-Table at LHS, since there are no vacant umbrellas beside the chapel. Then right there and then, the interrogation started.

I was asked about what happened yesterday (the previous post). I answered blankly. "Nothing," I said. They insisted. Of course. They knew me too well. After a minute, I narrated the whole story. Then revelations stumbled after. Megan was also having her own dilemmas, so we tried to hear her and help her out. But since the time is really short, it's already 1 PM, we had to call the interrogation off. I went to S309 for the meeting. I saw Nica and Conrad there. Donn came right after me. We waited for the room to open. What we did is that we talked about boys. Haha. Funny though, that's the truth. After a few minutes, the higher officers arrived. Then, Sir Melvin. Sir Melvin is the adviser of La Liga. He explained everything we need to know. I was really overwhelmed to meet him since I am really looking forward to this day, that I will eventually become a part of the LLI Staff. At about 3 PM, the meeting was adjourned. I decided to visit the Chairperson's Office. I saw Ate Ana, my co-iBITS officer, setting up a camera. She was like relieved when she saw me there. There was an orientation on-going. What the~! I followed her, since it was an IT thing. I saw Sir Angel leading the orientation. I helped Ate Ana with the picture-taking of the said event. Sir Melvin saw me there, and he's quite happy that there's a new La Liga staff covering the event. During the orientation, all I did was to take pictures of myself and the event. Kuya Irish was there too, capturing memories. Haha. We took pics of ourselves, and Kuya Irish also showed me a digital photo effect. Hehe. It's really cool actually. After the meeting, we headed back to the office. Sir Angel ordered Kuya Irish to place some room schedules at the CS Area. Ate Ana and I accompanied him. On the way there and back, we shared different stories. Until the time we reached the office and when I had to go home, we are still talking about anything. I'm really thankful of the bonding time I shared with my co-officers. :)) Upon reaching home, I drifted off to sleep.

But still, I can't find myself accepting the facts I need to accept.

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Jul 3, 2008

Walkout.

Tres pala ngayon. Magandang pangitain. Iyon ang akala ko.

Ang aga ko nagising. Pero late na kami nakaalis ng bahay. Mga 5:45 AM yata iyon. 9 AM ang klase ko. Masyadong maaga no? Umuulan pa. Maaga ako ngayon (actually lagi e. Hahaha.). Tuturuan ko kasi si Karen ng Programming. Nararanasan nila yung naranasan ko dati. Ang lakas ng ulan. Di ko lubos maisip na umuulan na naman. Ayoko pa namang nababasa ako. Grrr.

Kung masyadong Tagalog, pasensya na. Natripan ko lang. Haha.

7 na ako nakarating sa PUP. May isang oras pa para maglaro ng Burger Shop. Ano pa bang gagawin ko? Tinatamad naman akong maglakad. Wala pa naman yung mga Dear Prends ko sa school. Wala din namang nagtetext sa Globe. Ay. Nagload pala ako sa Sun. After 10 years. Kasi eh, si Baby Bear nag'Sun. Eh pinag'Sun din ako. Edi mag'Sun. Haha. Active pa naman yung Globe ko. Hahahaha. Pero gaya ng sabi ko, walang nagtetext sa Globe. Ewan ko nga kung bakit ako nag-unli eh. Nagbabakasakali na naman ba na may magtext sakin? Oo. Hinihintay ko nga lagi text nun eh. Kung hindi ko man mareceive text niya. Sana makita ko. siya. SANA MAKITA KO SIYA.

Natapos ko yung buong Story Mode ng Burger Shop. Hanep mga customer. Parang tanga. Hahaha. Napaka-mainipin. Haha. Nagtext na si Karen ng 8:30. Nasa school na daw siya. Hala sige. Diretso ako sa CCMIT Area sa East Wing. Ayun. Nandun din pala yung kapatid ko. Si Mac un. Hindi ko siya talagang kapatid. Basta. Mahabang paliwanagan. Tinuruan ko si Karen gumawa ng flowchart. Sana naintindihan niya. By quarter to 9, pumunta na ko sa 3rd floor. Madami ng tao. Pinuntahan ko si Mareng Eva sa fire exit. Nandun din si Bestfriend, at yung anak ko. Hanggang sa nabuo na kami. Dilemma namin nung mga oras na iyon: tamang pagkanta, Fantaserye, at kung si Jeno ba o si Eden ang speaker sa assignment naman sa Speech Comm. Nang dumating si Ate Zhe, hiniram ko iyong directory. Hahanap ako ng textmate sa Globe. Alam na nila iyon. Sinungaling akong tao. Specific na tao lang iyong hinahanap ko. Nakita ko naman. Hehehe. Kaso ang pagtetext sa kanya, kung paano, hindi ko alam. Dumating na si Tonet. Tambay kami sa hallway bago mag-fire exit. Katabi ko yung banda ko. Pinaguusapan namin iyong tungkol sa Structured Flowchart sa COBOL. Tapos naisipan ko na lang bigla na maningil ng IBITS. Hmm. Pauso ko na naman iyon. Hindi ko pa nasisilayan yung gusto kong makita. Haha. Ayoko din namang itext. Kahit gusto ko. Basta ampanget tingnan. AAAHHH. BASTA.

Naaalala ko bigla. Hindi na nga pala ako masyado palakausap at maingay ngayon. Sinubukan kong kausapin sila Besplen. Naningil ako sa kanila. Nadamay pa dun si Kuya Kenneth. Dati siyang 2-1N. Ayun. Naningil pa ako sa iba. Wala naman silang pambayad. Patay ako niyan. Hahaha. After ilang minutes siguro, pinapasok na kami sa Lab. May activity. Gawa daw ng flowchart. Wala si Ma'am Rachel, the COBOL Princess daw sabi ni Kuya AJ. Kaya ayun. Gawa ng flowchart. Nang matapos, wala din naman palang English (iyan yung next subject namin). Kain mode muna kami sa East Wing Canteen. Siomai Rice kinain ko. Wala akong pera. Actually nagtitipid. Mahal na bigas ngayon. Pagtapos, akyat kami sa E414. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, wala kaming English. Tinatamad naman akong lumabas labas. Nagtetext na lang ako. Sa Globe, walang pag-asa. Kaya sa Sun na lang ako nagtetext. Andami ko kayang ka-text. Hahaha. Hanggang naumay na ko magtext. Kailangan ko ng magandang gagawin. Alam ko na. Gagawa na lang ako ng assignment sa Statistics. Haha. Habang nagpapakasaya ang ITG dun, gumagawa ako ng assignment. Sinabayan ko si Alexa. Ang saya pareho kami ng sagot. Haha. Ibig sabihin tama. Oy. Hindi ako nangopya ah. Hahaha. Sumabay na din samin si Ate Zhe. Patapos na ako nung sumabay siya, nakapagre-write na ako nun. Lalagyan ko na lang ng linya yung Quantile, Decile at Percentile class ng makarinig ako ng napakapamilyar na ingay.

Tambol. Sabay sigaw. Sabi na. May nagaganap na namang walkout. Paano ko nalamang walkout? Sumigaw sila eh. Sumama daw kami sa walkout. Ewan ko kung ano pumasok sakin. Iniwan ko iyong ginagawa ko. Napatingin ako sa isang hilera ng mga estudyante na may hawak na plakard at flags. Nakita ko yung schoolmate ko nung high school. Nagulat ako. "Hanep." Iyon na lang nasabi ko. Para akong nakadikit sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi naman talaga ako dating interesado sa mga ganyan. Kahit sumama na ako dati. Trip lang iyong dati. Di na nasundan. Parang may hinahanap ako sa mga nagwawalkout. Alam kong nabalitaan kong sumasama siya doon. Pero hindi ko pinaniwalaan. Kahit sabihin nilang confirmed. Alam ko, hindi siya sasama sa ganun. Parang basong nabasag yung mga pinaniwalaan ko. Kitang-kita ng dalawang mata ko. Mga 7 or 8 yatang estudyante pagkatapos ng schoolmate ko. Nakita ko iyong hinahanap ko.

Nandun siya. Hindi ko alam kung nakita niya ako. Ang alam ko nakita ko siya. Hawak niya iyong papel na may nakasulat na hindi ko na napansin kung ano. Nakaharap sa classroom namin. Parang ambagal ng oras noon. Hindi ko man lang nagawang ipikit iyong mata ko. Nalaman ko na lang na sumakit iyong dibdib ko ng marinig kong palayo na ng palayo yung tunog ng tambol at mga sigawan. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Nandun siya. Siya iyon. Napaluhod nga ako eh. Ang OA no? Pati tong pagkkwento ko ang OA. Ewan ko ba. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito yung nararamdaman ko. Naisigaw ko pa nga kung bakit nandun siya. Ano ba ko tanga? Pagkatapos ng parang napakatagal na katahimikan sa loob ko. Tinapos ko na iyong ginagawa ko. Binigay ko kay Joana yung assignment ko. Kung akala niyo, nakalimutan ko na iyong mga pangyayari hindi pa. Napatahimik na lang ako pagkatapos nun. Lumabas ako ng classroom. Natanong ko pa nga sila Besplen, sila iyong nasa labas eh. Natanong ko pa kung bakit nangyayari to. May sumagot sakin, kasi daw map-privatize na daw yung PUP. Hindi naman yun eh. Iba. Wala na sigurong makakasagot. Hindi na rin mababago yung nakita ko.

Mga 1:30 nung nag-decide kami na pumuntang SM. Wala pa rin ako sa sarili ko. Nag-iisip pa din. Tadtad na nga yung inbox ng nasa distri list ko ng GM eh. Nagtatanong kung bakit. Nakasalubong ko yung maganda kong kaibigan sa may Univ Canteen. Ang nasabi ko na lang, Nakita ko siya. May sinabi pa siya sakin. Pagdamay niya yung kailangan ko. Kaya nga thankful ako at binisita nila ako before nung pangyayaring yun. At after, si Ganda naman dumamay sakin. Diretso na ang tropa sa SM after nun.

As usual, kantahan lang yung naganap sa SM. Better Days at Irreplaceable ang kinanta ko. Pagkatapos, uwian na. Hindi dapat kami papasok. Kaso may pangarap yung iba samen kaya pumasok. Pero wala ding klase. Swerte nung mga hindi pumasok.

Pumunta na ako sa office ng mga 6 PM. End na ng klase eh. Pinahanap sakin ni Daddy si Apol. Pumunta akong LHS. Nagbabakasakali na makahanap ng makakausap. Kaso wala eh. Inikot ko na lang yung Freedom Park. Sa tyangge. Wala naman din akong pambili. Nagpaload na lang ako sa Sun ng pantawag. Pag-akyat ko, nabalitaan ko yung gang rape dito sa PUP. Lumabas ako saglit ng office para tawagan si Baby Bear. Kailangan ko ng makakausap. 10 minutes lang yung call. Nakakabitin nga eh. Pagbalik ko ng office, andaming tao. Parang laban lang ni Pacquiao. Hinihintay pala nila iyong balita sa TV Patrol about sa gang rape. Ayun. Freshman yung babae. Niyayang sumali sa org. Ng umayaw, tinutukan ng kutsilyo. Edi napasali na siya. Tapos for 3 days, ni-rape siya ng 20 lalaki in different locations. College of Business daw yung involved. Kinabahan ako bigla. Nauna na kong bumaba. Pinuntahan ko yung kapatid ko. Delikado. Buti na lang naabutan kong pinagsasabihan sila. Buti naman. Umuwi na kami. Binalita ko kaagad iyon sa mga Globe. At dahil don, andami kong katext sa Globe. Andami kong natulugan. Nakakahiya tuloy.

Pero hanggang pagtulog ko, tambol at sigawan pa rin ang naririnig ko. :((

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Jul 1, 2008

Return

Finally~!

After 3 long weeks of scholastic work, I finally had the mood to write a post. Mood's lacking that's why there is no interesting and latest post here. HOHO. Well anyways, I'll share with you guys what I had so far this school year.

BUSY.

You got the term. I am the Public Relations Officer of the Institute of Brilliant Information Technology Students (iBITS) this school year. You may ask how could this be. I ran for this position out of curiosity. I never been an active officer since I was in elementary or high school. Besides, I am on the track of achieving an active standing in our college, so why not be a candidate? In fact, I claim myself as a catalyst of change, this may be a stepping stone.

I thought being an officer of an active organization is nothing. But when I experienced attending meetings, a pile of responsibilities waiting before me, I realized that this is really a serious matter. No games, no jokes. Everything is a big deal.As a part of iBITS, we are assigned to do a routinary task. 2 officers will be a student volunteer in the CCMIT Chairperson's Office. What volunteer, you may ask. We will do the things a student assistant does. As in everything. But here's the twist. WE AREN'T PAID. That's why the volunteer term is there. It's really sad on my part. I love money anyway. HAHAHA. Whoops! Another privilege. We are allowed to go home any time we want to, since we are only volunteers. That's what my co-officer told me. But my shame makes me stay hours longer than my intended dismissal *chuckles*.

Being an officer is a tough job. But I really had a great time. I made new friends in the person of our adviser and my co-officers. :)) This year's filled with more busy days and real-time fun! :))

***

But that's not all. Being an active member of an active organization really didn't make my school world go round. We have to be realistic people!

A college student must be focused on existence of classes, lectures and quizzes. And that's why I'm asking my guardian, GOD, for help. I really have to get better grades this year since there' s a nuisance existing in the college. Due to the fact that the freshmen students per section in our college already increased to the number of 70, every student from every year are entitled to have a HANDS-ON FINAL EXAMINATION this year. This is implemented to see who are the capable ones to live up with the college. That pressured me and my fellas.

Though that announcement served as a death threat to most students, it served as a motivation for me. A challenge I have to win.

But it will only happen if I study hard. That's the reason why I'm spending my time doing assignments rather than talking, researching rather than daydreaming. Plus, I really have big dreams for myself. It will only happen if I really dedicate myself in getting good grades.

Our subjects for this sem include:

-- Programming (COBOL)
   My senpais said that this subject is boring. My professor said this programming language is really in demand in banks nowadays. There are only few COBOL programmers in the country, that's why if you're one of them, you'll get cold, hard cash baby! IT'S MONNNEEYY BABBBYY!

-- Discrete Mathematics
   The truth table. Whoo! I can claim myself as a BS Information Technology Major in Truth Table student! Yaattaah! This makes me crazzzyy!

-- Computer Systems Organization
   The sequel to our computer maintenance subject. Our prof said we will simulate an alarm clock as a final exam. Interesting!

-- Politics and Governance with Philippine Constitution
   Now that's more I like it! One of my dream subjects is already offered. This is the chance to learn the laws that will throw The Red Circle!! :))

-- Statistics and Probability
   Mean. Median. Mode. ^_^

-- Physical Education (Swimming)
   Okay. We're swimming alright. It sucks. I don't want to be seen in a swimsuit. Eeeeww!

-- Speech Communication
   I enjoyed this subject so far. It really enhanced my speaking and thinking skills through those jams! < JAMS = EXTEMPO >

-- History
   We are asked to memorize the whole map of the Philippines. How interesting. Wooo.

Self-Study Subject:

-- Nihongo
   This is supposed to be our elective next year. Since I am excited, I'm studying it myself. Konnichiwa minna-san! :))

If there is a subject I missed out. Sorry. ^__^
Whooaaa! I'm still not finished with my Discrete Math assignment! Aaarrrggh!

SILENCE AND CHANGE.

Many said I have changed. They said I am not the same old girl they knew. I am already silent and unpredictable. That's why they said. I am in no position to explain myself since I never changed. They only claimed that fact. There is no proof. Even if they try to make me realize what I am now, it isn't worth explaining. Okay. I already tried explaining myself to them, but they won't listen. There's nothing more to say.

Besides, what's wrong with being silent? It isn't really like the old me, because the old me is scandalous. I came to realize that if the words that tumble out my mouth possess irrelevant ideas, I would rather not talk. I don't want to talk about nonsense. But some told me that it is awkward to see me like that. Looky here. I want to change the people's perception of me being scandalous okay? I am still myself anyway. I just want to act my age, and I want to act in the situation I'm in properly. That's it.

PLUUUSSS! I don't have time to talk with people I don't have to talk anything about. What would I say to them? I think it's better if I stay out of their business rather than to serve as a display in their lives. Another, I am busy. I'm an officer and I'm a student. Being an officer is tough work, being a student is a lot tougher work.

I guess all I really need from people, especially from these people who claims this belief, a little understanding, ONEGAI. I am sorry if I caused them pain or whatsoever. Just a little understanding will do. Besides, it still me, AtSilentVersion.

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Jun 30, 2008

Mind Over Heart

"If your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you another, before you do anything, you should first decide whether you have a better head or a better heart."

Damn. I am in no position to act rashly. But this quote really made me think.

I hate a certain group. All of them. All who are like them and does the same thing they do. I will do everything to oppose them, and at the same time hope they will come to realize that what they're doing requires more intellect and breeding. I despise them, and it will never change.

I like a certain person. He is really someone I can talk to. He gives great advices, he makes me laugh. I really loved spending time with him, although during those moments, we can't see each other. We talk, but I can't see him and he can't see me as well. Our roads crossed for three times already. I really counted those days as rare ones since I won't be able to say when will I see him again. I can see him, but my pride keeps me from doing it. Bottomline is I like the person I see in him. He is really different from all the others. The certain reason why I like him.

Only to find out that he is really different from the others.

He belongs to the circle I hate. He is one of them. The moment he admitted to me that he is one of them, I can't speak. He never knew of my hatred against them, not a single idea. He is aware of my dreams changing the environment I live in, but nothing about opposition against them.

I keep telling myself that maybe he's different from them. They aren't really the same. Maybe he is the one who will stand out in that crowd, telling me that he isn't like them. That he won't do anything like them. But it didn't help. He really is like them. I saw it with my own eyes; encouraging others to be like him. Like them. I saw him in an act I really hated seeing for a long time.

Do I have a better head?

Will I continue my dreams of eliminating the "brainwashers of the innocent" just like I planned before? The vision of an institution with peace, and eventually a country possessing one? Must I disregard my feelings to continue this dream?

Or do I have a better heart?

Disregard his presence in the circle since I knew him before knowing his ideals. I liked him for who he was, not who he is.

But what will prevail? Can dreams change our hearts or can feelings change our dreams?

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